Serious TMI

I don't exactly know when it all started, although I am pretty sure it was when I ended my consultations with my Fitness Professional over the internet b/c I was getting in over my head with bills I couldn't pay.  Needless to say, this was the first thing to go and yet I still don't think I am saving money.  Anyways, my eating habits went to shit, I binged ( a few times) and I have thought in my head more than once that I should just start vomitting. No, I never followed through, I could never do that knowing not only the awful effects but I wouold probably become dangerousy addicted end up in the hospital with no teeth and back at the same weight, possibly even fatter.  PASS.

Anyways, like a week ago I got this killer frickin stomach flu that had me shitting every 10 minutes and I thought to myself, as sick as it may sound "maybe I will shed a few pounds, sweet!" To my dismay I ended up with even more gas problems, bloating, stinky, and I feel like I gained 10 pounds! It has been this way since the stomach flu passed that I even bought GasX and Beano! My conclusion is that I consume too much sodium and fiber and am eating too much junk inbetween meals.  I have been trying to do this whole eat the "labeled bad" foods in moderation like if I want to eat fries at work I have been, we even got to try some new food today but ever since this stomach flu any excess sodium I am taking in starts to effect me right away and it's absurd.

I was driving home from work today seriously talking myself into just binging the rest of the day, thoughts like "just go home and eat some chips, you already feel bloated" "eat pizza later and then start over Saturday" "binge it out, there are onoy 2 days left in this logged week, you can start with a low sodium diet on monday" I can't believe these thigns go through my head and that I actually want to give in to them but this is exactly what I am trying to over come so why the fuck would I do all that and eat all that and then feel completely miserable if I wasn't miserable already for having a belly that makes me look 4 months pregnant!?!?

So I came home, went on my addictive facebook, made a few conmments, changed my shirt, took my tofu and walked over to work so I could make myself a salad.  Well if I wasn't already bloated, the crotuons and the salad itself actually made me feel WORSE!  So NOW I am home, and instead of eating everything in sight because I am so frustrated I decided to not eat anything and let my stomach recover and then do even better tomorrow! These are the steps to success!! I hope...