Birth Control

I seriously think sometimes I make myself crabby and toss myself in a crabby mood by forgetting to take my birth control.   Is it at all possible that by doubling up twicve in one week it could throw my hormones out of wack? What about taking the same pill for over a long period of time? I think I need a new option in this regards, I have been irritable yesturday and today.  Yesturday I made myself annoyed over my body, I seriously put the mirror in 74824794 different places and I looked different in each one and I felt fat and gross.  Then see a friend today and she lost 15 pounds from having her appendix taken out! WTF.  I just have been feeling really down on my own body lately and it really does take a toll on your brain.  I just want to punch people in the face or better yet, shoot my gun which hopefully I will get to do tomorrow ;)

I am also so sick of trying so hard with making my body look the waY I want it.  I see pics and feel likr my arms are too manly.  I look in the mirror and my body isn't as tight as it would be for someone who works out as often as I do.  Then I start to think, do I need to be a strict eater again?  Then I think, no b/c if I do that then where will I end up? This is the same cycle I have been struggling with for YEARS and I am still not looking any different than when I first started.  I feel like I am too muscular and manly and then last ngiht some guy told his friend not to dance with me because I am busted.  It made me really sad and it really crushed my self esteem.  I mean as soon as we walked outside we met 2 other guys but STILL.  I would be super happy being at 130 pounds and like a size smaller, I just feel like everything I put on lately makes me look fat and gross but I have serious trouble trying to eat better and control my food intake.. fml I want to go shoot my gun