My 2011 resolution

I am not sure why I thought I could go back to dieting and have it work 100% even though we are still in 2010.  I think I wanted to prove myself wrong that I could get a head start and be a few pounds lighter before I officially started the new year.  I was 500 calories over my 1700 calorie limit today and considering that I am bleeding from my vagina and havent had a good past few days I got miserable, upset and angry and decided to say fuck it and eat. Oh look, my chocolate from my stocking...hold on....mmm so good.

I have let food take over my life.  I really have.  I went to work today with my pre cooked/portioned snacks and was doing well until I decided I needed a crouton and then had 67.  So what's happening? what's going wrong?  It's all in my head.  On the way home from hanging out with Nicole, after just going out to dinner I kept thinking how badly I wanted to snack on some chips when I got home.  Then I see my calorie intake at the 1974 on the daily plate and I lost it. Internally.  My thought process was wow, u suck, u fail, mind as well just say svrew it until the new year.  Then I think, ok when it hits midnight it will be New Years Day...it will be 2011 so i should stop drinking...but will I?  To be honest, I really should.  I have to have dinner with the family and I want to workout in the morning so I def should stop drinking. 

Ever since I stopped dating ...him.. I think I have gained weight.  That's so bad, so pathetic, I should be hotter, hotter than EVER! So my 2011 resolution is to be 130 by summer, leaner, tighter and most important binge free, healthy meal eater, non snacking be able to live life without thinking about the next time I will eat...................................